Thursday, 3 December 2009

Scrooge? No way! Merely giving a fist up the arse of convention!

Despite the Hundred Days project having only just begun on Dec 1st, since then I have managed to do the following: not post on Dec 1st due to being up drinking and writing my first entry after midnight therefore ushering my debut post into Dec 2nd, and B, didn't post anything on Dec 2nd proper as felt it might clog up some sort of chronological continuity I am attempting to encourage in myself.

Clearly, it's not worked. And it's brilliant! For me to even carry on in such a regimented way (which I will admit is self-imposed, as I WANT to write every day) is a disaster waiting to happen. It's akin to putting toothpaste back in the tube or trying to persuade me that buying superfluous soaps for family members at Christmas makes better financial sense than buying a round. Fucking impossible. Therefore I have decided to re-evaluate my mission statement, and now it stands that I shall attempt to blog for 100 days -- just probably not all of them.

Such re-evaluation has brought to the light the point of this blog too. I have no zeitgeist cool. I have no need to capture a sense of betterment in myself by bettering others. I hope that I am a conscious and generous enough person to already live by such rule. Often I am to be seen with a smile and an inappropriate joke, all in the hope that I can encourage such lightness in my family and friends. Now there's nothing I am more apathetic towards than false claims of humility and jest. Everyone sees themselves as the comic relief in others lives. All of my friends and my family fill that role to me. We interchange and high-five each other in the middle of a string of gags, and we pass the baton to one another, to see how long this ring of stupidity can last. In my life I am lucky, I am filled with jokers who I love and care for and who reciprocate.

So then...twee sentiment aside now. What about today then?...It's half twelve in the afternoon, I spent most of the morning drinking coffee, smoking, reading my book and running to the toilet. When nature calls, it fucking hollers. Somewhere around chapter sixteen I sensed a creeping in my subconscious (wasn't doing a very good fucking job of creeping if I detected the bastard in my subconscious....stupid creeping thing) which all of a sudden sprang into my mind's eye and waggled it's festive todger in my face whilst screaming "YOU'VE GOT NO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING DONE! WHILE IT MAY BE FUN IN HELL PLAYING BRIDGE WITH STALIN AND HITLER, YOU'RE UTTERLY SHIT AT BRIDGE! THERE'S NO ESCAPE!"

I was talking with a good friend a couple of nights ago about how much Christmas has changed the older I have become. I recall distinctly pestering my parents to put the tree up as soon as Halloween was over. Now when the tree is up a few days before Christmas, it's highly possible I'm not even at home and suckling at the teet of that evil mistress, gin. The season to me now suggests a time wherein people aren't at work, and everyone joins together for celebration and catching up. I am of the thinking that I would prefer to spend an evening with my friends, than to surrender to purchasing redundant gifts (how many people ACTUALLY want those sodding texas hold 'em poker a set of pokers, I wouldn't mind so to storm the head offices of Boots with the hopes of threatening their Christmas Gift Dept for a) assuming everyone in Britain is a gambler and b) for schlepping out the same gifty box sets every year -- no matter how you jazz it up a Bath and Shower set for men is still just a Gillette razor and spare blade in a red and green box)

You could call me a cop out and that I am just too lazy to look for suitable presents to show a sign of my affection to my family and friends. There's truth in that, because I'm not keen on wandering about a mall for hours feeling further pressure mount on my shoulders like a pirate with a gaggle of ownerless parrots. Since October my life changed with joining the band and I've thought little of the approaching festive season. Now our first tour is over I've not got a lot of time. Anyone want a poker set?

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